You might want to get advice about this. If so you cannot do better than turning to ask online agony aunts. Or a competent cheap psychic email reading online. And if you want to earn £60 an hour giving advice yourself click on the link to ask online agony aunts and find out how you can.
But where does this leave the woman or guy who ends up dating this parent? If they are keen on a family and would love to get involved it could be fantastic, an opportunity to have an instant and ready made family without the horrible bits like giving birth! But if they do not like kids or they are not keen on being involved with other peoples’ it can be a problem. It can also mean that they have little opportunity to get involved with the man if he is always available and spending lots of time with his kids and that makes him too busy to spend time with them. If he provides a lot financially for them and he also does not earn a lot it can mean going without and maybe even asking his new lover to help him provide or go without things!
The father’s ex may get jealous of you and not want you to spend time with their kids. They may see you as an unknown quantity or some sort of risk. Someone who may whisk the necessary other parent away to a foreign land or turn his head so that he loses interest in his family. So they may try to come between you. Or they may be such bad mothers that they want you to take over their role and give you the hard work of looking after their off spring because it saves them the bother.
If you are looking at the idea of marrying the father then you have to think about what sort of life you will have with them in the future. You have to ask yourself about whether or not they would make a good partner to you or if all of their efforts will be spent on those he had before you came along. You should also make sure that he is not getting keen on you just because he finds it hard to cope and wants help or a ready made family simply to please the children.
Will you be able to go out together? Will you have time to yourselves? Will you be able to to have a happy life together just the two of you when you would like to? Will it cramp your style? Will you end up doing lots of chores that you would rather not do or are too busy for such as changing nappies or helping with homework? How old are the offspring? Are any of them very difficult? Are there any teenagers who have problems with reading and writing, drinking, drugs, smoking, problems with authority, skipping school, swearing a lot, running away?
Look to how old they are and how long things would be until they leave home. Do you like the children or do you find that they are a chore and you resent them? Weigh it all up carefully and be totally honest with yourself. If you are only interested in dating the man and not settling down full time then you can maybe avoid a lot of this or if he is only wanting to date and you would rather settle down is he really the right one for you? Why are you interested in him anyway? Is it is fascinating charm and personality or is it because he has a kid? IF it is only that that attracts you then you could find another person who has a child who you like more and get on with better.
Where do you see yourself in five years’ time? Do you think you would be bored with this person and the whole set up then or could you grow into it and be a real part of it? Would you be listened to or would you have to abide by the rules of the house as dictated to by them? Would you just become a baby sitter or would they love you too? Are you a person who likes their own space? If so would you ever get a minute to yourself or would there always be people running around you and wanting your time?
Do not just look at how sexy this person is or how much they make you laugh look at the whole package of what is involved in being a part of their life. Will it enhance your life or just enhance theirs? Will you have to compromise a lot? Is there anything you can say or do to make it more to suit you? You do not have to just go with the flow and let them make all of the decisions.
Is this person working? If not what efforts are they making to get a job and face up to their responsibilities? Do they ask you for money or to go without things that most people take for granted such as going without going out for an evening because he has to spend money on them. If this is the case it is asking a great deal of you to put up with this!
One last thought – even relationships that seem perfect often go wrong and many marraiages end up with divorce or separation or two people living together who do not get on. With things not being right at the start there is even less chance that it will work out, so make sure you are entering in this with your eyes wide open and it really is for you. Some think that getting together with one of the dads on offer is the answer to their prayers with others it turns out to be a nightmare.